"Let go and Let God..." it's def not a new revelation by any means but it's what came to me as i was laying in bed last night. it's also not a new revelation that the people closest to you can hurt you the most. if i can find something wrong with everything and everyone does that make me too cynical or is there really something wrong with everything and everyone...?
these are the thoughts that went through my mind last night. i came to a determination "Let go and Let God...". i'm not going to worry about aly anymore. i can't change it so why worry about it. i could spend all my energy in protecting her and shielding her and putting her in a bubble but that's not going to help anything. she is still 2 1/2 and has the mind of a 2 1/2 year old. which means she's strongwilled, independent and smart. so i'm going to treat her like the 2year old she is. God is bigger than germs. now i'm not going to be reckless and take her to chuck e cheese or anything but i'm going to be realistic. i know people must look at her and wonder what all the fuss is about. it's not like she has cancer or is so developmentally delayed that she can't function. and i assume when people hear about her and then see her they question the validity of her illness. so i feel like i need to "validate" how sick she really is. b/c in reality she has an incurable illness that the majority of people know nothing about. after all, if we weren't living it we would know nothing about it. if she "looked" sick then people would "know" she's sick. i shouldn't expect people that aren't in our situation to understand. i assume the people closest to us should understand but i no longer expect them to. i do not look at aly as a "problem" but maybe i seem like i look at her or the situations that arise b/c of her as a problem. i guess i could choose not to live a "normal" life and have "normal" things but that's not the way we choose to do it. maybe if she lived in a hospital it would be more realistic to other people and we wouldn't be judged on what we have or don't have or do or don't do. but i assume too much. and i no longer assume.
she is in God's hands and i know that. i do not want sympathy for us or for aly. she has been prayed for a hundred times. last night it came to me "let go and let God". now what God is going to do i have no idea but for now we will wait and see.
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