Who am I?

"Who am I that the Lord of all the earth, would care to know my name, would care to feel my hurt..." that's the first line of the Casting Crowns song...I've thought alot about that song today. The blowout with my insurance company yesterday left me feeling angry, frustrated and helpless. I felt like I had noone on my side that could help me. I was told I needed surgery by a very "fancy" (aka smart) doctor. My insurance company was not allowing it. I very simply stated to God that I trust Him, I know He is bigger than my insurance company and I know He will make a way for this to happen. At day's end insurance said no, surgery (for today) was canceled and I had an appt with another doctor for today in Indy. This new doctor is an orthopedic onocologist also but apparantly "in network" with my insurance unlike the first doctor. There is 3 in the state and I get sent to the 1 my insurance won't cover. Why someone at the referring doctor's office didn't check on this earlier is beyond me but I'm not going to beat a dead horse! So I was starting over. I went to new doctor today who asks me if I would still want surgery if he could tell me this was for sure NOT cancer. Well, I don't know b/c I was told I had to have surgery b/c this mass was what was causing my pain. After talking to new doctor and him pushing, pulling and twisting my knee (the only doctor out of the 4 I've seen to actually TOUCH my knee) he tells me that having surgery won't help the majority of the the pain and there is a chance actually worsen it over time. The 2 falls I've had are the actual cause. He could remove the mass but the issue would still be there. So there are some things we are going to try first instead of jumping straight to surgery. After leaving his office I was sitting alone in the hospital waiting for Scotty. It occurred to me that my short 2 sentence prayer I said yesterday WAS answered. I asked for God to take care of it and He did. He didn't change the insurance "god's" mind b/c He had a different route for me to take. If I had gotten my way and God "fixed" the insurance situation I'd be recovering from major knee surgery right now. Surgery that I probably won't need and definately don't need without trying other things first. It humbles me to know that God cares about me, even in the small things. So the song from Casting Crowns won't leave my head. "...still you hear me when I'm calling, catch me when I'm falling, you told me who I am...I am Yours"

Really???

So my last blog was about letting go and letting God be in control. when i wrote it i didn't mean that i wanted to test the theory anymore than i already was. If the devil is scared of me and i'm doing good things or whatever else you want to call it, i really think he thinks too highly of me. i'm not a blamer of the devil for all things bad but come on! or maybe God is testing me. are bad things always a test of some kind? have i not proven over time that my faith will not waver? i trust Him and as much as i want to say that i'm not scared b/c my life is in His hands...i kind of am. i don't like needles so the needle they are putting into my knee on monday does not thrill me at all. i also don't have time for this. i have to concentrate on aly and what she needs and keeping her well. i can't be sick. i can't have surgery and be unable to walk for any amount of time, whether it be short or long. i have things and people and girl's trips and outreaches and christmas's that are all counting on me, i don't have time for this.